Narooma Rotary Beacon 1 September 2016

OUTSIDE THE SQUARE:

What a great night on Thursday with Charmaine outlining the work she , Sharon and her RAWCS team accomplished in Cambodia.

It just shows that, with determination and grit, a lot can be achieved. It also demonstrates for us that, with a little effort from us in fundraising, we can support such tremendous work by such a dedicated and hard working member of our Club.

Whew, the whale tickets have been sold in record time. Hopefully members can attend on SATURDAY 3 rd SEPTEMBER at 12.30 at the Wharf to show Norm our appreciation for his generous donation. Unfortunately I can’t be there, but I hope many can show the flag for Rotary and Norm, and join in the excitement of finding out the winner of the prize.

Next week is our Club Assembly and it is your opportunity to show how THINKING OUTSIDE THE SQUARE can advance the work of our club and present your ideas for our fun night on 15th September. The crazier the idea the better.

I suspect a NIGHT TIME SWIM AT BAR BEACH is not on anyone’s list. PITY!

President Michael.

Last Week’s Meeting:

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Attendance: 12 Rotarians

Guests: Sharon White (pictured left), Julie Davis (pictured left) & Steve Benick (Narooma Dental), Roz Wood (Chris O’Brien), Merinda (Bob Antill), Iris (Frank Eden).

3-minute talk: Chris O’Brien on how to speak proper to try and improve your English for her and I. (Obviously I wasn’t paying attention!)

Wheel: Eggs – Rod Walker; Mars Bars – Steve Benick (but most eaten by Laurelle); Port – Sandra Doyle and Wine – Sharon White

Spot the Error: Last week’s intentional error was missed by Angie so jackpots for next week.

 

 

 

 

International Toast: Rotary Club of Pnom Penh, Cambodia

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A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep.

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NEW Wine for Seniors – I kid you not…..Clare Valley vintners in South Australia, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINOT MORE!

Sorry I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!

The Minotaur

 

 

Duty Roster:

Duty 1 September 8 September 15 September 22 September 29 September
Cashier L Pacey A Ulrichsen P Hartley C White J Doyle
3 Minute Talk M Young L Pacey J Doyle J Rungen C White
Introduce Speaker F Eden B Antill P Hartley R Gimmel
Thank Speaker W Whittle C White R Gimmel R Walker
Wheel A Whittle E Holmes R Gimmel R Walker B Antill

 

The Four Way Test of the things we think, say or do:

Is it the TRUTH?

Is it FAIR to all concerned?

Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

Narooma Bonus extra : Will it be BENEFICIAL to the environment?

Executive-
President: Michael O’Connor 0419 254 212
president@naroomarotary.org.au
Secretary: Rod Walker 0411 711 475
secretary@naroomarotary.org.au
Treasurer: Bob Antill 0400 104 731
treasurer@naroomarotary.org.au
Newsletter: Bob Aston 0414527316
bulletin@naroomarotary.org.au
Markets: Chris O’Brien 0408 489 247
market@naroomarotary.org.au

Renewables Expo:
Organiser Frank Eden 0434 197 110
expo@naroomarotary.org.au
Organiser John Doyle
Organiser Mike Young
Organiser Angie Ulrichsen

Postal Mail:

The Secretary, Narooma Rotary Club,
PO Box 151, Narooma, NSW, 2546

Sign up to the Beacon:

Want to receive a weekly copy of our Newsletter the “Beacon”?
Simply enter your email on the Contacts page

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frankk

  • pdf
     
    Duty 9 Feb 2017 16 Feb 2017 23 Feb 2017 2 March 2017 9 March 2017 16 March 2017 23 March 2017
    Cashier Peter Hartley Rolf Gimmel No Meeting Mike Young Bob Aston John Rungen Laurelle Pacey
    3 Minute Talk Michael O’Connor Bob Antill Combined  meeting Rod Walker Charmaine White Bob Aston John Rungen
    Introduce Speaker John Doyle at Moruya Peter Hartley Mike Young Peter Bull
    Thank Speaker Frank Eden on 22 February Sandra Doyle Frank Eden Mike Young
    Wheel Rolf Gimmel Lyn Hastings Laurelle Pacey Chris O’Brien Sandra Doyle Linda Ord

    The Four Way Test of the things we think, say or do:

    Is it the TRUTH?

    Is it FAIR to all concerned?

    Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSIDPS?

    Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

    Narooma Bonus extra : Will it be BENEFICIAL to the environment?

    Executive

    Position Phone
    President Michael O’Connor 0419 254 212
    president@naroomarotary.org.au
    Secretary Rod Walker 0411 711 475
    secretary@naroomarotary.org.au
    Treasurer Bob Antill 0400 104 731
    treasurer@naroomarotary.org.au
    Newsletter Bob Aston 0414527316
    bulletin@naroomarotary.org.au
    Markets Chris O’Brien 0408 489 247
    market@naroomarotary.org.au

     

    Postal Mail

    The Secretary, Narooma Rotary Club,
    PO Box 151, Narooma, NSW, 2546

     

    Sign up to the Beacon

    Want to receive a weekly copy of our Newsletter the “Beacon”?
    Simply enter your email on the Contacts page

     

Narooma Rotary Beacon 25 August 2016

OUTSIDE THE SQUARE

What a meeting we had this week. Georgia Poyner, a 15 year old Narooma High School student, kept us spell bound for about an hour on her free diving, scuba diving, photography, triathlons, spearfishing, drawing and much more . Her pictures of the sharks, in particular, brought back memories of scuba diving at South West Rocks among the sharks and so I can well understand her love of what she sees metres below in our oceans. Just listening and seeing all that she did in the last 12 months was amazing and to top it off she is helping to research our marine environment as a volunteer.

Now wonder Rotary emphasises the need for more and more youth programs.

As I write Sandra Doyle is in Canberra at the Model United Nations Assembly (MUNA) with students from Narooma High School – Paris Blessington, Lilly Burgess, Shaina Woodard and Cyann Vlatovic. They are representing the Phillipines and we know they will gain a great deal from the experience.

Last night (Friday) Donna & I attended the Quota Trivia night at the Narooma Club in support of So Art. Laurelle was also there but I did not see any other Rotarians, but, as I am woeful at Trivia, I was not looking too hard. However one piece of Rotary news was that we have two applicants for Rotary Youth Program of Enrichment. More work for Sandra who is doing a sterling job with our Youth program.

Today (Saturday), thanks to the efforts of Frank and Iris this morning, we sold all our Whale tickets.

While I hate selling tickets, it really is a good public relations exercise as you get a good chance to engage with the public and let them know what Rotarians are trying to do in and outside their community.

You might note I have not used an acronym . I sent an email today to Sandra with a misspelling of an acronym but, unlike Peter’s and Bob’s excuse last Thursday, it was not deliberate to catch out whether she actually noticed the mistake. I have an admission to make. I had to look up what the acronym for Rotary Youth Program of Enrichment actually meant to make sure I had it right.

For me at least it means I am definitely Outside the Square as all these acronyms baffle and annoy me.

President Michael.

 

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Last Week’s Meeting:

As President Michael has mentioned above, our guest speaker was Georgia Poyner. What an outstanding young person she is – enthusiastic, engaging, confident and obviously a dedicated hard worker. This year 10 student is an accomplished artist and photographer, swimmer, triathlete, scuba diver, angler, researcher and teenager, who, in her spare time, sits submerged in cold briny water at night to count rare tropical fish for university researchers. This activity involves the citizen scientist organisation, REDMAP, an initiative of the University of Tasmania & the Australian Government. Georgia was recently awarded a significant grant from the Aim for the Stars – The Layne Beachly Foundation to do work experience in Tasmania with IMAS (Institute for Marine & Antarctic Studies). As a result of this study she has been invited to go with an expedition to Macquarie Island, Antarctica. Georgia’s art & photography as been acknowledged with several top 20 finishes in the annual Moran Photo prize. (sorry Michael for the acronyms)

Attendance: 12 members in attendance

Guests: Georgia Poyner (guest speaker), Michelle Slavik (Georgia’s mother), Iris Domeier

Wheel: Port – Chris O’Brien, Chocalates – Angie Ulrichsen, Wine – Bob Antill

Birthday:Image 1Hon. member Pam Rayner PHF celebrates her 91st birthday on 1st September.

As Rotary is her only family in Narooma, any members who can drop into Estia, Dalmeny to wish her well would be great.

 

Joke of the week:

Returning a little early from an interstate trip to see his team play at the MCG, a bloke sees the car of his wife’s boss in the driveway. Suspecting an affair, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The cabby agrees, in return for $100. Together, they go through the back door, creep up the stairs, and into the bedroom. And … sure enough. Switching on the lights, the bloke yanks the blanket back and there they are, naked! The husband puts a gun to the naked man’s head.

The wife shouts: “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. HE paid for your new fishing boat. HE paid for your football season tickets.”HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for your golf trip to St Andrews. HE paid for our Australian Golf Club membership and HE even pays the monthly dues!”

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, “What would you do?” The cabby replies, “I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.”

(courtesy Peter FitzSimons SMH 21 August)

The Minotaur.

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NAROOMA ROTARY BEACON 18 AUGUST 2016

OUTSIDE THE SQUARE

A beautiful but cool ( 15 degrees) swim this morning but sadly the only Rotarian to be outside the square this morning.

Taking up Peter Bull’s suggestion of toasting an overseas club as our International toast, last Thursday we toasted the Rotary Club of Dun Laoghaire , my hometown in Ireland. They appeared chuffed by the toast and they will toast us on the 8th September.

We had a great talk from Annette and Paul from Southcoast Health and Sustainability Alliance and it tied in beautifully with Frank’s idea of hosting a Solar Expo ably supported by his committee.

Whale ticket selling is going well as we have sold 23 books so far. Thanks to Ang for a remarkable 11 books sold. Hopefully those who have books of tickets to sell are well on the way to completion.

Please put on your thinking caps as we are hoping to have a fun night for our meeting on the 8th September so please let me know what you think we might try out.

President Michael.

The week that was

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Last Thursday 12 members were present, 5 guests also joined us for the meeting and fellowship, they included Chris’ guest Joan Morgan, Iris the partner of Frank, Annette Kennewell, our guest speaker and her partner and Paul Dolphin who was also a part of the Southcoast Health and Sustainability Alliance (SHaSA).

Peter Bull gave an interesting 3-minute talk about his grandfather, practically about his involvement in the First World War and the battle of the Somme. Peter’s grandfather wasn’t at the front line, his role was in the Pioneers, building roads, bridges and tunnels. Peter told a great yarn of a tunnelling exercise that just happened break ground near a Frenchman’s wine cellar! Peter also told the story of his visit to the Somme and the impact it had on him.

Our guest speakers were Annette Kennewell and Paul Dolphin from SHaSA. Annette told us how SHaSA came about – the initial idea was to investigate how power bills could be reduced for those on low incomes or renting a house by putting solar panels on their roofs. The Alliance received a $50 000.00 grant to carry out a feasibility study. SHaSA has now moved to trying to source solar panels for local homeowners through a bulk buy system. The idea is that the Alliance can get a better price through a bulk buy system and a tender process. To date the Alliance has received more than 270 expressions of interest. If you want more information visit the website (www.shasa.com.au) or read the article by the mayor in last week’s Narooma News.

Paul spoke about other opportunities for renewable energy including solar farms and community renewal investment funds. He also spoke about the inevitability of climate change and the need to adapt to new forms of energy sooner, rather than later.

House Keeping

Don’t forget the Whale Watching raffle – Michael needs assistance to sell the tickets. To date Angie has sold 10 books! Well done Angie.

Volunteers are needed for the next market – please go online and fill out the roster.

Organisation for the Renewables Expo continues, Frank and the committee are doing a great job pulling it altogether – don’t forget help will be needed.

Dying to Know Expo – see attached flyer.

Pres Michael & PP Bob holding the Cinders Trophy - Sweet Victory!
Pres Michael & PP Bob holding the Cinders Trophy – Sweet Victory!

Happy Moments

Peter Bull fessed up to putting unleaded in the Mazda (yep it’s a diesel!) – the happy moment was that no damage was done to the motor.

Mike Young relayed his home renovation successes (?) and Bob told us about a nasty scare with his daughter (the happy moment is that all seems well) and Chris told us that her daughter was returning form an overseas holiday.

The Wheel  

Laurelle won the lemons, however, she knocked them back saying that she had too many already, Bob Antill ended up being the lucky winner. For her trouble Laurelle won the honour of serving the port. Peter Bull took home the wine.

Our Club sponsors Narooma’s MUNA team

Narooma High’s team for MUNA is Paris Blessington, left front, Lilly Burgess and Shania Woodard, with mentors Narooma Rotarian Sandra Doyle, back left and Narooma High teacher Lachlan Reilly. Cyann Vlatovic was not available for the photo.
Narooma High’s team for MUNA is Paris Blessington, left front, Lilly Burgess and Shania Woodard, with mentors Narooma Rotarian Sandra Doyle, back left and Narooma High teacher Lachlan Reilly. Cyann Vlatovic was not available for the photo.

Our Youth director Sandra Doyle is off to Canberra this weekend with the Narooma High team for the annual Model United Nations Assembly (MUNA), along with students from 27 other schools from the eastern states.

Go team!

MUNA provides students with the extraordinary experience of contributing to a United Nations General Assembly style debate in Old Parliament House.

The Rotary Club of Canberra Sunrise organises it with support from the Australian National University (ANU), while our Club is sponsoring the Narooma team.

Sandra and teacher Lachlan Reilly have been helping Paris Blessington, Lilly Burgess, Shania Woodard and Cyann Vlatovic prepare for the weekend.

‘Our team will represent the Philippines so over recent weeks they’ve been busy gaining an understanding of the Philippines’ history, politics, economics and particular stance on world affairs,’ she said..

‘Each school team will represent a different nation and is expected to debate contemporary global issues from that country’s point of view.’

This is the third time Narooma High has fielded a team, thanks to the combined efforts of Angie, David and Rachel, Lynda and now Sandra.

The students’ experience last year led to a debating club being established at Narooma High.

Students will visit the ANU and also join diplomats from the countries they represent at a dinner on Saturday night.

Other south coast schools taking part in this year’s MUNA are Batemans Bay and Moruya High Schools, St Peters at Broulee, and Lumen Christi at Pambula Beach.

Some Humour

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

Why did God create man first?
Because he needed a rough working model before creating the perfect specimen of the species.

The Minataur.

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Narooma Rotary Beacon 11 August 2016

Outside the Square

Remember the pieces of paper I distributed with a rectangle labelled the status quo and a heading Let the Ideas Flow? Only 3 members have returned them so far and after the Club Assembly last week there are lots of ideas out there, so please give me your ideas.

I felt that it was a productive meeting and special thanks to Peter Bull stepping into the shoes of Bob Aston when he is away as editor of the Beacon. It is inevitable that we will need members to take on roles at short notice and the way Bob organised Peter to step in was great and it left one less job for me to try and find someone to take on the task.

THIS IS DELEGATION AT ITS BEST, when I don’t have to delegate because if it comes suddenly into my lap then it is inevitable that I will be left holding the problem.

I loved Peter’s suggestion that we resurrect an old approach to International toasts, that is we toast an overseas Club then contact them to tell them that we have toasted their Club at our meeting. It will hopefully foster some interesting links/news.

Thinking outside the STATUS QUO does not necessarily mean something new, but it can be something old that can be brought back in.

It is your Beacon and so please contribute. One idea that did come up that we could have member profiles and Bob Antill has generously offered his professional skills in taking portraits of member sometime in the future to be with the profiles.

Members might also like to contribute to the Beacon why they volunteer, what got them into volunteering or even a Rotary moment. Jokes, obviously subject to the editor’s knife, can even be sent in.

Special Thanks should go to Frank and his committee who are doing sterling work organising the Renewable Energy Expo. It is a significant task and if good ideas are generated that increase the workload of the committee members should volunteer to help out to reduce the demands placed on individual committee members. This was well illustrated when Chris offered her assistance to help organise a more formal arrangement for dinner on the night of the expo.

Finally, an update on the recent Christmas in July fundraiser takings have now jumped to $1645.37. Wow! What an effort from one Narooma Rotary Meeting, I hope by April I will have plenty of dollar signs in my eyes when I set out on the Bibullmun track.

Regards

Michael

Want to know more about Rotary?

Check out this link

How can you make your Rotary club multi-dimensional?

The Week that Was

14 Members and 1 guest (Iris) were at last week’s meeting. As Michael has indicated it was Club Assembly and Board meeting night. Items for discussion at the Assembly ranged from the Beacon and International Toasts to the Renewals Expo and Rotary Park.

Bob Antill and Isis took away the raffle prizes

The Week Ahead

This week Annette Kennewell is our guest speaker. Annette is from the South Coast Health and Sustainability Alliance (SHaSA), a not-for-profit group based in Eurobodalla who help to make renewable energy more accessible and more affordable.

According to their Facebook page South Coast Health and Sustainability Alliance SHaSA are a group of volunteers born from the People’s Climate Picnic held in Sept 2013 in Moruya NSW. They are currently working on a project to install rooftop solar power to low incomes houses in the Eurobodalla. Please encourage friends and to come along to the meeting.

Charmaine White

All members know that Charmaine is an outstanding Rotarian contributing to our Club in many ways, such as helping Michael at our recent Christmas in July event. We also know that she contributes beyond our town and country as a volunteer assisting those less fortunate than us in her chosen vocation of dentistry. Below is a YouTube clip that Charmaine has sent me outlining the excellent work done by Rotarians and others in East Timor to ensure that young people get the best dental care possible. Let’s make sure we continue to support Charmaine in her efforts.

We also know that Charmaine is the very proud mother of Liz Cherry who is a singer and performer with the Australian Army Reserve. As most of you know Liz has performed at many sporting and cultural events representing the armed forces, most recently she had the honour of performing the French and Australian National Anthems at the centenary commemorations at Pozieres. Charmaine was there to witness this moving event. Below is a short clip of Liz’s performance.

When Insults Had Class. 

These glorious insults are from an era “before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.

“He had delusions of adequacy.” -Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”– Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”-Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”-Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.  -Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”-Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” -Winston Churchill, in response to Shaw

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”-Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”-John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”  -Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”– Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”-Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to  him.” -Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”-Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”-Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”-Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” -Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.”-Groucho Marks

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Narooma Rotary Beacon 4 August 2016

Some of the crew at Christmas in July
Some of the crew at Christmas in July

Outside the Square

Last Tuesday Sandra Doyle, Chris O’Brien and myself attended Quota’s Student of the Year with our own Bob Antill being one of the judges of the competition. It was a difficult task as all students performed brilliantly and it was sad in one way that there had to be a winner.

On Sunday we had our Christmas in July fundraiser which raised a fantastic $1405.00 to start our Club’s fundraising for my 1000km walk next April.

Donna and I were delighted to have so many at our home and by all accounts the food went down a treat.

I was asked by a few to post my recipe for the turkey stuffing.

I will try but I really don’t have a recipe as I just go with the basics and then add what I feel like is right for that day.

I can’t give you quantities as I simply don’t measure anything!

  • Fresh breadcrumbs, I usually source them from a good quality multigrain bread. (Don’t use those breadcrumbs in a packet as it is like using wood shavings and just as tasteful)
  • Onion cut quite small
  • Bacon, rinds cut off, then cut into pieces
  • Some margarine to bind the ingredients
  • Herbs/spices, (I usually go to the cupboard and start looking at the containers and usually just pick what moves me at the time but it would usually have oregano, Tuscan seasoning, Italian herbs, cardamom, Garam masala, five spice, cracked pepper and some, very little, sea salt). I always vary what I use and sometimes I might put in a bit of chilli and Moroccan seasoning if I want to add some bite, this time I restrained myself and left them out of the mix.

Tip – When you make breadcrumbs you can always freeze what you don’t use. I usua2016-07-31 Christmas in July 021lly make too much and by freezing the leftovers there is no there is no need to throw away what hasn’t been used. I will make breadcrumbs when we have a loaf of bread that is going stale, putting them in the freezer for later use.

I hope that helps those who asked.

A number liked the ham sauce which was only Dijon mustard and maple syrup. Again the recipe I started with had far too much Dijon, so I had to keep adding maple syrup to make it a little less hot. (Not everyone is like me who likes hot English mustard on his ham). The great thing about this sauce there is no cooking.

Have a great week and I look forward to our Assembly this Thursday and hopefully you will have matters you want discussed or issues you are not happy with.

Cheers

Michael

Want to know more about Rotary?

Please click HERE to view – download the ‘Rotary On The Move’ Newsletter for August 2016. There is a great article from the Woden Daybreak Club about attracting and keeping new members.

To learn a little about one Rotarian’s efforts to end Polio click here.

The Week that Was

27 Members and guests descended on Michael and Donna’s place on Sunday 31 July for a Christmas in July fundraising event. The weather was great and the food, wine and company outstanding. For main course we were treated to some expertly cooked ham and turkey with roast potatoes and pumpkin – we even had Brussel sprouts, some even put their hand up for seconds. Unfortunately, Therese and I had to leave before the plum putting was rolled out, however, I understand it scored a 10 out of 10.

As Michael indicated over $1400.00 was raised – A great effort.

The Week Ahead

This Thursday we are back at the Whale for a club assembly and board meeting. If members have items to raise at the assembly, please let Michael know well before the meeting.

Don’t forget Chris has organised an interesting speaker for 11 August. Annette Kennewell from the South Coast Health and Sustainability Alliance (SHASA), a not-for-profit group based in Eurobodalla who help to make renewable energy more accessible and more affordable. SHASA is coordinating a solar bulk buy for the Eurobodalla community. Please encourage friends and guests to come along to the meeting.

Some Humour

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

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This collection of 20 newspaper headlines will have you giggling at the English language – and perhaps at the lost art of copyediting.

  1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
  2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
  3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
  5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
  7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
  9. Stud Tires Out
  10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
  11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
  12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
  13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
  14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
  15. Eye Drops Off Shelf
  16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  19. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
  20. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

A Puzzle or two to Solve

Jennifer and Jose live in different sections of their town but go to the same school. Jennifer left for school ten minutes before Jose and they met in the park. When they met, who was closer to school?

What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, but never in a thousand years?

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